Mommy Guilt
This has been bothering me for a while now. I keep thinking I should blog about it and maybe I’ll feel better. But, then I keep finding other things to blog about so that I can avoid what has been bothering me.
I have been feeling like such a bad mommy for a while. Then several weeks ago I was reading on someones blog about how someone else had told her what a great mommy she was. So, I started thinking that I didn’t think anyone had ever told me that.
A little while later we were visiting at my parents house and my dad was talking about what a great mother my mom is. And she is- she is a fabulous mom. And she did tons of stuff with me and my brothers when we were little. She is still like that- always there for us no matter what. She’s definitely the best mom ever. So, anyways, I started thinking some more and wondering if anyone would ever talk about me that way. You know talk about how I did such a great job with Hailey.
Every day when I get up I vow that today will be a new day. I will spend lots of time with Hailey. We will play together, we will read together, we will do art activities together. We will sing and laugh and it will be a wonderful day.
But that isn’t what happens. I have to spend a lot of time on the computer. Writing sponsored posts, trying to drive traffic to my blogs so I can write more sponsored posts, trying to come up with posts to put on my blogs so that people will want to come back again, etc. It might not seem like much but so often I spend almost the whole day in front of my computer working.
Most of that time Hailey has to entertain herself. And she is usually pretty good. I do take breaks to play with her, but it’s just not what I want. I want to give her all of my attention and not have to even look at my computer. But I can’t because we need the extra income I am getting right now (because of this). I just keep thinking about how fast these days are going by and how I feel like I am missing everything because I spend so much time in front of my computer.
And then I wonder if in 30 years Rich will be telling Hailey how wonderful I was as her mommy. And right now, I don’t think so.
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Hi.
I read your post and I think you’re expressing pretty much how all mothers feel.It’s about getting things balanced between spending time with them and spending time for them and it’s not easy.it might help if you set an alarm to go off every so often and promise her that whatever happens when it goes off you are going to stop for a while and play and stick to it.At the end of the day the work will always be there and kids grow up fast tain’t easy.
Mel, I can only say that from what I have seen on the blogs Hailey seems very happy and well adjusted. That wouldn’t happen if you weren’t a good Mommy. Right now HAiley can’t say that your great but just wait. Mom’s with little kids sometimes feel very under appreciated but believe Me God picked you out to be Hailey’s Mom because you are the perfect bloggin’ Mommy for her and I am proud to tell every one down here about my bloggin’ WONDERFUL niece who is a Mommy.
Love ya Jayme
Sorry you are feeling this way sweetie, will be praying for you.
That fact that you worry about it- that alone makes you a good mommy. I feel this way a lot too. Maybe not specific to blogging, but working in general. And I think to myself that even though I am tired and worn out, this will be the day I don’t yell or get upset with Ashlyn for just being a four year old with energy, etc. And everyday I fail at that task. And everyday the mom guilt sets in some more. I keep thinking that I need to live each day as if it is the last day I have with my children. And each day- I don’t. I don’t know how to change the responsibilities that we have as adults. But I do know that you are a good mommy. You do play with Hailey and you do crafts with her. The fact that you are teaching her to entertain herself is a good thing too! The fact that you love her so much and worry about it all means you are a good mommy. I know that years from now, Rich will be telling Hailey that you were the best mommy! You made sacrifices and you loved her so much. That is what makes you a good mommy.
Hugs! I used to feel the same way. My husband works away from the house while I work in the house so when I had my youngest home with me I’d feel horrible for working on the computer all the time. Doing the same things you said above. It’s a hard balance sometimes. But I need to blog to make money so we can eat, etc. Just the fact that you’re worried about your daughter and everything shows you’re a great mommy!
Melanie… It’s so hard to juggle everything that we moms have to do. I know that I feel horrible when I’m away from my girls all day at work and then too busy and tired to play with them when we get home at night. There are nights when I realize that I hardly said anything to them that wasn’t telling them what to do. I think we all feel like this sometimes.
What I have to try to remember – is that just the fact that we’re worried about being ‘bad’ moms, is what makes us ‘good’ moms. ‘Bad’ moms are the ones who just plain don’t care.
Hailey is little – at her age, they play well by themselves and honestly, she won’t even remember 10 years from now whether you played with her every moment of every day or not. What’s important is that she’s happy and healthy – and that’s obvious from the pictures you post of her. She’s a beautiful little girl – and that means that you, are an awesome mom.
I work from home and I love the fact that I get to be here with my kids and make a living as well. I also keep my neice several days out of the week so my sister can work and not have to pay a sitter. My own kids are older and they amuse themselves, so til Hannah started staying with me during the week i never realized how much my kids might be missing me even though I was here. She wants love, she wants to play, she wants to sing and she wants to be rocked and i’m the only one she wants for all thse things. Has to be her “Suh” that does it all.
Soooooooo i realized that if SHE was that way, what were my own kids missing out on? I HAVE to work but I did also start taking breaks and finding other ways to supplement the income i miss during that break. The kids are happier and Hannah is too. I feel guilty for not recognizing it sooner but, at least i finally did and the kids are happier for it. Make a rule for yourself like I did. I will work these hurs…….the rest belong to my children. It’s really benefitted myself and my family.
And by the way, the fact that you care at all, makes you a most excellent mommy and i bet you when that baby grows up, she’ll think you were the best mommy in the world. THAT’S who’s opinion counts.
I know what you mean… I’m a WAHM and I go through the same struggles of balancing work time and family time. It’s endless. And tiring. And frustrating.
But I wouldn’t trade it for a job back in the field any day. Not even when I’m on a conference call and he starts to throw a temper tantrum. lol – can you imagine?
But honestly, Hailey looks happy as pie whenever we get to see pics of her – and a child like could only have a wonderful mommy watching over her. *Hugs*
Sometimes it takes twenty years before you start getting those kinds of compliments. Children grow up and realize all you did for them. I know it is true in my life. My mom did so much for me as a child – but it wasn’t till I grew up and had a family of my own that I truly realized how great she was. I think you are a fabulous mother! You have a very happy and contented daughter. That is proof that you meet every one of her needs and are a wonderful mom.
You are a good mommy!!!
You are doing what’s best for your family.
Hailey is obviously a happy and well-adjusted little girl. If she wasn’t, you wouldn’t be able to work while she played on her own part of the time.
Hailey is lucky to have you at home with her. You get to have lunch with her. You get to read to her. You get to kiss her before she goes down for a nap and hug her when she wakes up. My kids had some daycare lady (whom we totally loved, don’t get me wrong) do that for them while I was here in the office.
It’s good for kids to learn to be independent.
It’s good for parents to have time to themselves.
Every mother out there wonders if they’re doing the right thing.
Those few mothers that get to spend every waking minute with their child are few and far between. I’ve learned not to measure myself against them.
They are wonderful mothers.
I am a wonderful mother. My kids are happy and well-adjusted and independent.
You are a wonderful mother!
I had this exact conversation with a friend just this morning. I’m with you. Sometimes I think I am such a phony at this whole mom stuff. BUt you know, we are trying and doing our best. There might days and seasons when the TV does a lot of babysitting or when thank goodness they play by themselves, but fhe’s gonna remember those special times. The art projects, the songs and that’s what counts. But let me tell you, by you posting today lets me know that I am not alone. Thanks.
Sounds like you have gotten some good responses to your worries. I remember feeling like this when Michael was little and I worked outside the home. Really I hardly ever saw him.
And then Julia came along and I stayed home. I still worried if I was giving her enough of myself.
Years ago we would have had gardens to tend and animals to care for. There would have been dishes to wash and laundry to hang on the line. I wonder if Moms back then had the same worries about being a good Mom or if maybe society today has just added another pressure. I think probably the later.
One day at a time. Really if you think about it God did not put you here to entertain her but to love her and train her the right way to go. We know you take care of her….so just love her and that will be enough.
you’re not a bad mommy!! i know you may feel bad right now – but you’re doing a great job!
I’m here to tell you – YOU ARE WONDERFUL MOTHER!! I know you well enough to say that!! I think some of the guilt you feel is normal for first time mothers and mothers of young children. I have 4 kids and long past all the guilt – it does get better as time goes by. We do the best we can! WE do what we have to do! You are a wonderfful mother!
Take care- Kellan
Melanie! I haven’t posted on your blog in such a long time, but I really felt that I needed to respond to your blog today. I have seen you in action, although it has been way too long, and I know you’re a great mom. I see the way Hailey looks at you and the way she loves you! How you make sure that everything that she has is the best that you can give her! You two even have your own little things, that she expects everybody to understand, but not just everybody will share their belly button with you!
You have nothing to worry about, of course, we all worry anyway, that is just human nature. I worry about being a good student, a good wife, and a good friend (and a lot more). Everybody has these feelings, but I know you, and am lucky enough to be part of your family, and you could not help but be a wonderful mother! It is in your blood! I love you!
Melanie-I feel that way all of the time no matter what anybody says to me. I think we all have those feelings. Think of all the mothers in the world who are not even home with their kids during the day. I try and do one really fun activity a day and then I do feel like a god mom. Even it may just be going to the play ground for a little to get out of the house. I an sure it is tough and you are helping your family by making money this way. I am sure it is tough but look in Haileys eyes and you can see the amazing job you do. She is full of life and that is because of her MOM!!
Hun…you are doing the BEST that you can and Hailey is loved and happy. Anybody can see that.
Sometimes Mom’s have to work to help support with the finances. And that’s okay.
Even Mom’s who don’t work question whether they are spending enough time with their children.
I can understand why you feel the way you feel — but I hope you don’t beat yourself up over it.
I know just how you feel. I do the smae thing with my bloggin as well as my other business. One thing that really, really helped me was to set certain time slots during the day when I work and certain times when the computer must be OFF (or I must be away from it) no matter what. That way when I am working I don’t feel quite so guilty and my little one gets some of the one on one times she needs.
She’s probably a happy camper.
But I don’t think you are…. ???
As someone who has been there, and looking back
I can say that I wish I’d have stayed home and raised my kids. kids are only small once.
You’re very blessed to be home –
However, you need to set your timer. When that buzzer goes off …. leave your computer and go to your more important job. For your sake.
Blessings!
It’s my first time to visit your site, but I wanted to comment and let you know that it is perfectly normal to be feeling what you are feeling. I feel this way all the time and I don’t even work, so I can totally relate to the guilt that you are feeling. I think that we have these super high expectations of how things SHOULD be and when they don’t work out, then we feel guilty or like we have somehow failed our children. If you feel like you need to spend more time with her, then take 10 or 15 minutes every hour and play and make up that time on the computer when she’s asleep. Also, remember that at a job away from home would be 9 – 5, so maybe it would work for you to make it a point to only devote that time to the computer and all other to your family. I’m sure you are a great mom, so don’t be so hard on yourself.
(((HUGS)))
I’ve got Mommy Guilt NO MATTER WHAT I DO! I feel it’s never good enough.
Anyway, don’t be too hard on yourself. Mmmmmk?
Mommy Guilt is the worst! I finally decided that there was too much of this "black market guilt" in my world. It didn’t stop me from feeling like the worst mom ever, but it did stop me from staying in that pit. I’d echo what everyone else has said and add that truly – the sum of our love is greater than the pieces of days.